My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
