and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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