Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
