I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
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