so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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