i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
