Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
