I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Your cock deserves a montage
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
