hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
