you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
