It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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