He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
