i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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