I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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