It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
