For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
