I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
