I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she woke up with a sticky ear
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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