will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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