she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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