Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it's not cheating when I paid for it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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