Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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