upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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