Your tits are I can't wait for
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
