This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
