How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
