Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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