you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
