YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
