i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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