even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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