All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
