theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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