you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
