Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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