Are we in a gay sports bar?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
