Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
