So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
