I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
