Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
