I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
