What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
