hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
