Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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