i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
