Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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