I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
