I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
