dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
