Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's not a walk of shame if you run
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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