Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
