She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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