I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
