you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
