my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
