god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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