I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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