It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
