I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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