i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
