Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
