He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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