i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
