Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
