I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
