And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
