you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
