Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
