Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize