He passed out mid-signature
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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