been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
